Because Sabol Made Me Feel Able

Football isn’t for you girls.
It’ll muss your dainty lil’ curls.
Go play with your Barbie doll
Instead of running with that ball.

Stop tackling your brother
Or I’m telling your mother.
Can’t have you getting hurt
Or ripping that brand new skirt.

Quit chasing the family pet
Like a QB you’re out to get.
Act like the lady you are,
Not a hotdogging superstar.

You’re scaring off potential suitors
Talking like college recruiters.
Sports Illustrated isn’t your cup of tea.
You don’t need to read about an injured knee.

Tomboys have no place in Home Ec.
Ladies don’t need to know who LT decks.
Go in the kitchen and bake me a cake
And let the men discuss that horrific leg break.

Stop recapping all the Crimson Tide games.
I keep telling you football isn’t for dames.
Sundays are meant for you to go to church,
Not watching another New York Giants Super Bowl search.

You don’t like math well enough to keep up with so many stats!
Who cares about every last detail from those Pop Warner brats?!
Walking the sidelines in the rain and snow will get you sick!
Two helmets to the knee and a sidearm to the hip isn’t your shtick!

What do you mean you went into a locker room full of sweaty men?!
Women should be at home serving snacks to their husbands in the den!
How many times do you have to be ‘hey babied’ to learn your place?!
No Southern belle daughter of mine would allow herself to be so disgraced!

Damn Steve Sabol for putting all those silly ideas into your hellbent head!
You embraced his vision and became emotionally involved, no matter how much I pled!
He never said you could tell stories about the game the way he did, but you didn’t listen to me!
You took this ridiculous love for football of yours and became what YOU always wanted to be!

Originally written 9/24/2012.


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