Sometimes, the good guy does win

Jonathan Martin got what he deserved.

Well, for the most part, anyway.

He has a second chance — a fresh start, if you will — to work and play in a safe environment under a head coach with whom he has a healthy past history from his college days.

Sometimes, the good guy does win. Sometimes, good things happen to good people. Sometimes, nice guys don’t finish last.

Martin was traded to the San Francisco 49ers for a conditional draft pick Tuesday. As part of the deal, the Miami Dolphins — Martin’s former team — will receive a seventh-round draft pick in 2015 if he makes the 49ers’ opening 53-man roster.

He tweeted on Twitter that he had “big news,” that he felt “beyond blessed,” that “opportunities are few in the NFL” and that he “can’t wait to get to work” with his new team.

It’s a rebirth of sorts for the youngster, who has endured the kind of treatment at the hands of former teammates from which we all wish we could shield our children. His is a story that will break your heart even if you aren’t a parent. He could be your brother, cousin, nephew, friend — anyone.

The 24-year-old offensive lineman, who played for current 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh at Stanford University, was the victim of bullying at the hands of three teammates while a member of the Dolphins from 2012-13, according to the findings of the intensive 144-page Report to the National Football League Concerning Issues of Workplace Conduct at the Miami Dolphins by Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP.

Click to access PaulWeissReport.pdf

Ringleader Richie Incognito and his two main cronies, John Jerry and Mike Pouncey, subjected Martin, at least one other offensive lineman and an assistant trainer to blatantly racist, vile, inhumane comments and treatment that included, among other things, inappropriate touching, on an everyday basis inside and outside of the work environment.

What I want to know is why all three of those thugs aren’t behind bars, when, in reality, I already know the answer: Professional athletes, celebrities, whatever you choose to call them rarely get their just desserts when they — AHEM — behave badly. In the real world, we call it breaking the law, and we would be fired and most likely criminally charged for such horrific behavior.

In my book, no one is above the law.

I was ready to rip into Incognito, Jerry and Pouncey as soon as I had calmed down enough after reading the aforementioned report, but I think the thing speaks for itself. The entire world can see firsthand what worthless pieces of garbage these monsters truly are since the report was made public in February. It is my hope that none of them ever will play another down of football at the very least, but that more than likely is wishful thinking on my part.

As it is, the Dolphins fired offensive line coach Jim Turner and head athletic trainer Kevin O’Neill in February for allowing and contributing to the bullying that wasn’t just limited to Martin. The Dolphins also decided to part ways — albeit mutually — with general manager Jeff Ireland back in January. Ireland had an idea of what was going on, although it is uncertain as to the extent of his knowledge. Incognito — who has brought nothing but trouble to the table everywhere he has played and was suspended indefinitely in 2013 for conduct detrimental to the team — and Jerry are free agents while Pouncey’s place on the Dolphins’ offensive line seems secure for now, according to newly-hired GM Dennis Hickey.

Incognito has come unhinged, much of it publicly, since the report’s release. But I’m not going to taint Martin’s good news by going into specifics. One word: Google.

That said, I’m sure the NFL will discipline the trio of scumbags, but the punishment probably won’t fit their crimes enough to suit me. What they did simply cannot be undone. There’s no turning back the clock, and there sure aren’t enough heartfelt apologies in the entire universe that could be uttered to make it all better. They’ve forever changed the lives of three people — but I’m guessing a LOT more — and whatever the punishment, the victims never will get the justice that they deserve. I can rant about the unfairness, the injustice, the lack of humanity as I have in previous posts, but it won’t change what they did.

https://suthurncuzun2.wordpress.com/2013/11/06/even-big-guys-get-bullied/

https://suthurncuzun2.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/apathy/

Why, you may ask? Why do I even care about what happened to Martin and the others? Why crusade for someone I don’t know? Why, for that matter, did I blast to smithereens those I don’t know for bullying? Why did I do it before knowing all the facts outlined in the report? And how did I know it was all true?

Because I’ve lived it. Because my son, my baby, has lived it. My 8-year-old son.

He was in first grade when it happened. First grade. And I wasn’t there to protect him. We always like to think — no, hope — our kids are safe when they’re at school, but as we all know, they’re not. And I had to try to explain why everyone isn’t a friend to a then-6-year-old who didn’t understand why everyone couldn’t be friends. Why, indeed, can’t we all be friends, or at the very least, just get along and tolerate one another?! It really isn’t that hard.

Two boys in his class he tried so hard to befriend punched him in the stomach, shoved him to the ground and twisted his arms behind his back for shits and giggles. No reason, no provocation, nothing. Just because they could. You know what the school called it? A mistake. An effing mistake. Can you believe that?! Both culprits had their recess privileges revoked for one week, but that was it. Their reactions? One of them cried, but only because he got caught. The other was completely indifferent.

And people wonder why I cannot stomach bullies, regardless of age. Even at 6, they’re old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. You can argue all you want, but it’s a battle you will not win against me. They knew what they did was wrong.

Those same two boys STILL are troubled, STILL are getting sent to the office for similar behavior and STILL have learned nothing because, hey, it’s all just a mistake.

Not in my book. Not by a long shot.

My son is in a different class this year — I made damn sure of that — and he is thriving in his new environment while his previous tormentors flounder in theirs.

Sure, bullies like them always will exist, as much as it turns my stomach. But so will people like me, who won’t let them get away with it, who will champion the victims, who will stand up and say ENOUGH.

I’m just relieved my son came to me right away and told me. Not all endings are as happy.

So here’s to Martin, as he rises like the mythical phoenix and begins anew. And here’s to my young boy for being brave enough to speak up.

Sometimes, the good guy does win. Sometimes, good things happen to good people. Sometimes, nice guys don’t finish last.

I’ve gone and lost it

I will never, ever post another pro-Auburn blog entry again. My writing mojo since has suffered, or so it seems.

I tried writing other entries, but my heart wasn’t in any of them, so I scrapped those ideas. However, I believe that will change since the recent release of a report resulting from an extensive independent investigation into bullying allegations made by Miami Dolphins offensive lineman Jonathan Martin.

Here is the report in its entirety:

Click to access PaulWeissReport.pdf

Please be advised that the language is strong and the findings quite shocking. I just finished reading the full report, myself, and still am too incensed to write anything even remotely civilized or coherent until I’ve had a few days to calm down. But be sure that I do have plenty to say on the matter. If you don’t already know my stance, please see two of my blog entries from November 2013 entitled “Even Big Guys Get Bullied” and “Apathy.” Your comments are always welcome.

That said, ROLL TIDE, and here’s to getting my writing mojo back!

Apathy

I told you I wasn’t going to hold my breath.

The National Football League’s Miami Dolphins did exactly what I thought they would: Put on a united front instead of doing the right thing regarding the – and I detest having to say alleged – bullying of second-year offensive tackle Jonathan Martin by guard Richie Incognito and others within the team.

I swore I wasn’t going to revisit the subject of bullying because it’s such a sore subject with me, a festering wound that never quite healed, but I refuse to do what the Dolphins have done to protect one of their own when he most needed their help: NOTHING, NADA, ZILCH. And their very apathy is perhaps the biggest crime of all.

Moreover, team owner Stephen Ross – at the very least – should have done more than text Martin in his bid to personally reach out to him. You TALK to him. He needs to brush up on his sensitivity skills because a text would have left me stone cold. I’ll go one step further and strongly suggest he take a course or two in the dos and don’ts of basic human interaction. But then, that’s just me and my old-fashioned ways in this impersonal age of technology.

And the interview of Incognito by Jay Glazer of Fox Sports? To say it was an embarrassment to journalists everywhere is, well, an understatement. Glazer should be ashamed of that farce.

Let the sarcasm begin …

Nothing like the hard-hitting, unbiased Glazer to get to the heart of the matter, especially since, you know, he has a personal history with the guy he was supposed to be interrogating. Glazer made it a point to preface his laughable questioning of Incognito by making sure the rest of us were aware that he’d known and been “friendly” with him for about five years and had trained him in his mixed martial arts program. Talk about a conflict of interest. So much for journalistic integrity.

Don’t believe me? Watch the extended version on youtube. I watched and listened VERY carefully, and I got even madder each time I did.

Too bad that sorry excuse for an interview left the rest of us formerly and presently in the journalism world scratching our heads in bewilderment. Not just because of all the questions that went unasked, but because of all the questions it raised.

I’m not one to gamble, but I’m willing to bet Incognito knew exactly what he was going to be asked beforehand. He sounded a little too well rehearsed, don’t you think? He certainly was NOT sincere, no matter how earnest he TRIED to ACT. He was more concerned about saving face than anything else. But then, I guess it really DOES pay to know certain people, in more ways than one.

Martin left the team Oct. 28 following an incident in the Dolphins’ cafeteria. Incognito told all of the offensive lineman to get up from the table as soon as Martin sat down, a prank in which he said the younger player has partaken himself in the past. Martin then threw his plate on the floor and left, he added. OK, so that seems harmless enough. A little cold, mind you, but no biggie.

But it gets worse. Much worse. And I’ll get to that shortly. But I need to address Martin’s psyche, the situation from HIS perspective. Through the eyes of a victim, if you will.

As someone who was bullied on a daily basis for many years myself, I believe Martin probably did the same things I did just to get my tormentors to leave me alone: Attempted to befriend them, laughed it off, played along with them for as long as he could stomach it, did whatever he felt necessary to make it stop. But it didn’t work. It never does, believe me.

You feel trapped, like you don’t have a voice. That’s when they KNOW they have you right where they want you, and a part of you dies inside. Day after day after day.

Bullies have a nose for fear. They sense it, feed off of it, and they don’t care who they hurt because it’s all in good fun to them. And no one is safe.

As I’ve said before: Even big guys get bullied.

Nobody wants to be a tattletale. I get that. We all like to think we can handle our own problems on our own terms without making a big stink about anything, but as many of us have learned the hard way, that isn’t always possible. We often go about handling our business the wrong way, and I’m sure Martin didn’t always make the right choices. I’ll freely admit it because I’ve lived it.

Martin texted Incognito a meme he obviously got online featuring a smiling woman holding what looks like a ridiculously smiling dog that said, “I will murder your whole f*cking family.” It was disclosed by Martin’s own lawyer.

Was it the right thing to do, considering the shockingly explicit and racist texts and voice mails that Incognito sent Martin dating back to 2012? Of course not! But, again, Martin most likely acted and spoke on Incognito’s and his cronies’ low-life levels in an attempt to fit in to deflect their bullying. I’m in no way excusing or condoning or even remotely defending that kind of behavior because it IS unequivocally wrong, just trying to help you understand a victim’s mindset.

Ask yourself this: How would you – and I want you to be brutally honest with yourselves – react if you were bullied every single day? Our gut reaction, our first instinct is self-preservation. We’ll do damn near anything to protect ourselves. It’s in our nature. We’re only human, after all, but two wrongs never, ever make a right.

And even after all the abuse, all the bullying, Martin STILL tried to placate Incognito, a nine-year veteran, according to texts he received mere days after his teammate’s and supposed friend’s abrupt departure. Incognito reportedly shared them with Glazer after that so-called interview.

Just know I don’t blame you guys at all it’s just the culture around football and the locker room got to me a little.

I repeat: Self-preservation.

I think Martin finally reached his breaking point that day in the cafeteria, silly though the incident may seem to some, or many, of you. He simply couldn’t deal with it anymore, and I can relate to him, to his feelings of utter helplessness in a seemingly hopeless situation that he endured for almost two years. It took courage for Martin to leave a job he loves, to seek help, to find someone who WOULD speak up for him when the Dolphins simply would prefer to sweep it all under the rug like it never happened.

Enter sports attorney David Cornwell.

Cornwell said in a recent statement – mainly in answer to Martin’s own teammates’ criticisms regarding his manhood and toughness – that their treatment of him is the real problem. He alleged that Martin was physically attacked by one of them and was forced to listen to vulgar commentary directed at him every day. Most of you already know that Incognito called him the N-word, threatened to slap him and his mother, defecate in his mouth and kill him. Cornwell also said another teammate threatened to gang-rape Martin’s sister. REALLY?!

Not at all what I’d call a friendly work environment.

Furthermore, it is purported that Incognito pressured Martin into shelling out $15,000 to help fund a trip to Las Vegas for a group of players last summer. Martin did not go, but forked over the money for fear of retribution if he did not, according to reports. Former Miami lineman Lydon Murtha since has quite dubiously explained that Martin backed out of the “pre-paid” trip and shelled out the cash anyway because he originally had agreed to go.

You mean to tell me that they couldn’t find another teammate to go in his place, if that, indeed, WAS the case?! RIGHT. If you buy that, then I have some hot air to sell you.

Martin’s own teammates have thrown him under the bus, siding with Incognito like I predicted they would. Too bad they’re all too gutless to tell the truth. What I find most ironic, though, is that Miami wide receiver Brian Hartline accused the media of bullying the Dolphins for doing its job: Reporting the news. Funny how the media is good enough for Hartline and his buddies to use to all but call Martin a crybaby sissy for having the moxie to come forward, albeit via his lawyer, and say, NO MORE.

Which brings me back to Glazer, his unasked questions and the pulpit he provided for his pal, Incognito, to spew more crap than you’ll ever find in all the sewers of the world combined.

Glazer did NOT ask Incognito if the coaching staff told him to “toughen up” Martin and whether he took that request too far, never mind the fact he had a sign clearly posted on his locker stating he hated rookies.

Glazer did NOT ask Incognito why he uses the N-word so disgustingly often in the locker room if he’s not the racist he says he isn’t, even though most of the rest of us know better.

Glazer did NOT ask Incognito to identify the player who said he was going to gang-rape Martin’s sister when he should have pressed him, nor did he even bring it up in their little conversation.

Glazer did NOT ask Incognito how on earth he can refer to his bullying of someone he alleges to care about as – and I quote, “coming from a place of love” – when he shared that heartwarming revelation with us, sounding, instead, like an abusive husband calmly justifying why his wife deserved to be beaten.

Glazer did NOT ask Incognito to come clean about his alleged sexual assault of a female volunteer at a team charity golf tournament just last year, especially after he claimed to have changed his wayward ways since joining the Dolphins in 2010.

And, perhaps most glaringly notable, Glazer did NOT ask Incognito – who was booted from two college programs AND the St. Louis Rams – why on earth his teammates bothered to vote him onto the Dolphins’ leadership counsel this year knowing all too well what transpired at that golf tournament.

How did Glazer refer to the assault again? Oh yeah, “an incident at the golf course.” That was it. Just a dismissive reference, a mere afterthought in passing as they chatted it up.

No charges were filed against Incognito – big surprise there – but the volunteer hole monitor told police in a report that he was drunk and rubbed her vagina, stomach and chest with his golf club before using it to knock off the sunglasses atop her head. He then pressed his genital area against her buttocks like he was dancing as he said “Let it rain! Let it rain!” After which, he dumped his bottled water on her face.

But hey, Incognito’s a self-described “good person.” Sorry, Richie, but I’d have to argue that point. And I’d win every time.

The woman is not allowed to speak about it publicly because she signed a confidentiality agreement, which is just another way of saying that the Dolphins PROBABLY paid her off to keep her quiet. It doesn’t take a genius to figure THAT out. It’s called damage control.

Incognito said a lot of things to Glazer that just didn’t sit well with me. He obviously hasn’t learned anything from his – get ready for a good laugh – mistakes. He still doesn’t get it. Sure, he looked a bit sheepish for getting caught on voice mail saying the N-word, but only because he can’t refute hard evidence. What I have a hard time grasping is how could he NOT see that his words and actions, and those of others, were hurting a man he professes to be a close friend, a brother, a teammate?

And if the voice-mail transcript leak read ’round the world didn’t come from Martin, if he really didn’t say anything to anyone, then who did? I’d personally like to thank the person who had enough of a conscience to do SOMETHING, ANYTHING to put a stop to the bullying.

Incognito – who was suspended indefinitely by the Dolphins while the NFL continues its investigation – talked about perhaps changing his ways yet again, since none of the other gazillion times apparently did the trick. Come on, now! Be realistic. How many times is it going to take you, Richie, to comprehend that you’re as capable of changing as a leopard is its spots, or a zebra its stripes? Not going to happen.

As for Ross, he said all of the right things in a couple of interviews I watched, but I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that he hadn’t had a face-to-face meeting with Martin in the 17 days since the youngster left the team, that he didn’t at least phone him, that he somehow didn’t try hard enough. Texting just doesn’t cut it for me, but you already know that,

Anyway, Ross plans to meet with Martin sometime today, but it’s almost like it’s too little, too late. Business first, people second, I suppose.

And therein lies the problem.

Even big guys get bullied

Bullies suck.

It’s not cute, funny or a joke to make someone’s life as miserable as possible. Bullying is unacceptable, period.

And yet, we see it every day. EVERYWHERE – school, work, even in the so-called “safe” confines of our own homes.

I was bullied for years by my so-called peers in school until I finally put a stop to it with my fists. They let me be, for the most part, afterward. Still, two wrongs don’t make a right. I haven’t used my fists since.

Even worse, my biological father never missed an opportunity when it came to making me feel worthless, like I didn’t matter, like I was nothing. My own father. He made me regret ever being born with the things he said and did. No matter how many years have passed, I’ve never forgotten. Thankfully, though, the man I later adopted as my dad intervened, stood up for me, protected me as best he could. Not everyone is so lucky.

And just because someone bullies you doesn’t make it OK for you to turn around and do it to someone else. There is NO excuse for it. People know right from wrong at an early age and any excuse to cry otherwise is blatant bullshit.

In this fucked up “politically correct” world of ours, people are more worried about rationalizing, exonerating, even absolving the guilty parties rather than outright punishing them for their cruelty. Sure, there are lots of reasons why people act the way they do, but it doesn’t give them a green light to torment others to the point that they just want to hide, move, die, ANYTHING but have to face the people who thrive on their constant misery. Too many people HAVE died because of it.

We need to collectively take a stand, put our feet down and say NO MORE! Enough is enough! A slap on the wrist simply isn’t good enough anymore, I don’t care how young or old the perpetrators. It’s WRONG!

No one who really and truly cares about their fellow man – who possesses any humanity whatsoever – ever would humiliate, hurt or torment you. Not your family, friends, schoolmates, co-workers, teammates – anyone.

It even happens in the sports world, probably more than the rest of us ever will know. Sororities and fraternities do it, too. They call it hazing, a rite of passage, locker-room culture.

Whatever.

Boys will be boys, my ass.

I don’t want to hear about how it signifies unification or solidarity or a sense of community. That’s a load of crap. It’s INHUMANE. Anyone who talks to you like you are garbage, calls you unthinkable things, publicly embarrasses you, threatens you or abuses you in ANY way doesn’t give two shits about YOU. End of story.

The latest story to make headlines involves Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito and the emotional distress he is purported to have caused teammate and fellow offensive lineman Jonathan Martin, a second-year tackle in the National Football League.

It has taken an even more disturbing turn because it not only alleges fear of violence in the workplace, but racial slurs and at least one death threat. The threatening communications directed at Martin and his family reportedly were sent via text messages and voice mails from Incognito.

This piece-of-shit excuse of a human being apparently, and this is the condensed version from a transcript of a voicemail sent in April, called Martin – who is bi-racial – the N-word, told him he was going to – and this is putting it as delicately as possible – defecate in his mouth, slap him and his mother, and kill him.

All of it makes me sick, sad, outraged, enraged, but to tell someone you’re going to kill them is just, well, EVIL. What the hell is the matter with Incognito?! Do you want HIM to be your teammate, friend, brother, son, husband, father – ANYTHING?! The answer is a decisive HELL NO!!!

Sources also said Incognito’s treatment of Martin has gone on for quite some time, that the aforementioned terminology and racist remarks were not isolated. There still were other alleged derogatory texts pertaining to female body parts and sexuality. Big surprise there. And yes, I’m being sarcastic. We’ll likely never know all the horrific details of what went on dating back to Martin’s rookie year, but, unfortunately for him, he’ll never be able to forget.

I have no doubt whatsoever that these claims are true. You couldn’t convince me otherwise. Not that you couldn’t already tell by my reaction. And anyone associated with that team – players, coaches and the like – who even tries to plead ignorance about Incognito’s ongoing bullying of Martin, and who knows who else, is lying. In fact, I’ll call bullshit right now.

Martin abruptly left the team more than a week ago to seek professional help because of the emotional distress allegedly – and I really hate using that word, but I will just in case I need to protect MYSELF – at the hands of Incognito, a nine-year veteran.

Come to find out Incognito – and I find so much IRONY in that name because we all can see him for who and what he really is – has a history of being one of the dirtiest players in the NFL, and got the boot from two teams (Nebraska and Oregon) dating back to his college days for repeatedly violating rules. He also was released from the St. Louis Rams mere days after twice getting flagged for personal fouls and arguing with his coach about them. What a stand-up guy.

The Dolphins suspended Incognito indefinitely for his actions. I believe the actual wording was conduct detrimental to the team. How about calling it what it REALLY is, what we, in all likelihood, know to be true? Bullying.

Martin never will be the same again. And do you think Incognito cares? He stated in the program sold at the Dolphins’ game on Halloween night that Martin was the easiest teammate of his to scare. The idiot also proudly posted a sign on his locker stating that he hates taxes and rookies. Why don’t you tell us how you REALLY feel, you jackass?!

The Dolphins and NFL are investigating the allegations against Incognito, with the NFL Players Association also planning to delve into the problem. But I’m not going to hold my breath. No one wants to rat out anyone on the team, yet it is my hope that one of them will do the right thing and tell the truth no one wants to admit: Even big guys get bullied.

I certainly hope Martin receives the counseling he needs and that he returns to the Dolphins, or even another NFL team, to play. He EARNED that right when he made the team as a rookie.

In the same breath, I hope Incognito’s playing days are done. He’s blown all the chances he’s been given for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom. He’ll never change, but at least maybe, hopefully, NOW he’ll realize he can’t get away with it anymore.

And I hope his punishment fits his crimes.